Empty Malls

Empty, Sunday morning malls have to be the loneliest place on earth…

That’s the thought that resonated through my head as I sat outside of the mall, locked out because for once I did the responsible thing and woke up on time, and put in applications for a part time job. From where I’m sitting, I can see cars passing with every second on the freeway; eager Sunday worshippers and blue collar's making it out to a long day of work. But they seem so far away…Look like miniature green army men. 

But I’m reminded of the unusual lady I randomly bumped into at the bus stop on my way to the mall. What started as a pathetic attempt at saving her from the same fate, I had just met with minutes earlier soon turned into a question of philosophy…weird huh?

The lady, thankful because I had drawn her attention to the puddle of rum and coke she was about to sit in, began slowly unraveling her life’s little details (everything from her age to her occupation). She told me about what she perceived to be Dallas' decline, and about her “friend’s” nickname for the city (“Shitty City… not that he’s one to talk, he looks and smells bad…”).  In her loud, coral pink lipsticked-lips she told me that she was a "true Dallas native, that had seen it all from JFK to the Mavericks losing in the NBA Finals.

Anyway, the point is, this lady was so moved by something as insignificant as me pointing out a puddle that she felt she was able to reveal these facts. 

Random.  The End.

Treasure Hunt

What's your most treasured item?

My MIND

When time takes my most valued possessions, when expensive items I've owned get lost or destroyed, when I wake up and am having an "ugly day", and when people walk in and out of my life, there's one thing I treasure- my mind. I love that I question things. I love that I have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. I love that I'm insanely curious about the mechanics of the world, and that I seek to learn new things. I love that I can take a critical approach and that I sometimes over-analyze. Actually I over-analyze every second of the day, but that's just what comes with me. I love that I can think pragmatically, but that my creativity allows me to interpret the beauty of things. I don't even intend to sound pompous, I just simply enjoy talking mental jogs, especially about the future. I feel like no one can ever over-think their tomorrows, I'm both infatuated with tomorrow and afraid of tomorrow. That uncertainty is a mean fat b-word you know? 

I value my mind and my thinking process.

Uncertainty

In one of my classes, we started talking about Blaise Pascal and his beliefs. He stated, "It is not certain that everything is certain."
In the class, we discussed: "Pascal's Wager"

Blaise Pascal (a French philosopher) basically IN LAYMAN'S TERMS suggests that it makes the most logical sense to believe in God because that route will produce more to gain and nothing to lose than any other path one lives. He does this by breaking it down:

- belief will lead to: 

a) heaven (if God exists)

b)moral benefits (if God does not exist)

- not believing in God will lead to:

a) hell (if God exists)

 b) immoral consequences (if God does not exist)

Okay sure, I agree this whole theory is a little thin and arid, its one of the first thing that strikes my mind whenever I think of my own place in the perpetually growing map of religion. And those thoughts, especially when shared with most other people, start to make me feel this strange tinge of guilt... maybe even shame? Especially seeing that my father is in the ministry.

Am I really shamed into feeling I should believe in something solid and well-organized?...

Think about it.

Everytime you make/laugh at that little sacreligious joke (What does Jesus order at a bar?... Holy spirits in poor taste. Or how about when you have Sunday off, you've promised to accompany your mom to church and you sleep in? The worst is when you're in someone's home, that someone of course, having made it clear they belong to a religion, and they begin approaching you with questions about your own faith...And you begin to feel it. That little voice inside almost lashing out at you for such a display of "poor spirituality". Or even that you're being watched... and judged... by that Jesus of your joke. And no matter how much you try to fight it inside your head, you can't seem to escape that feeling. Who cares if in the end you've got reason on your side. When's reason ever accepted and appreciated in this world?...

What kind of question was it, if war was the answer?

"Demoralize the enemy from within by surprise, terror, sabotage, assassination. This is the war of the future."

-Adolf Hitler

I hate to start you off with a quote from the devil himself, but I had to set the tone. I just had to! Wanna hear something sobering? In the last 60 years, the US has been intervening in the politics of millions of countries (maybe not millions, but you get the point), attempting to overthrow at least 50 foreign governments since 1945. WOW. Don't you just want to look America in the face and say, "CAN YOU JUST MIND YA BUSINESS?" Oh you call it Protecting democracy? Or maybe preventing any sort of attack on home soil? Using secret intelligence tactics and military power, the US continues to set their sights on foreign intervention in countries all over the world, with a particular scary focus on the Middle East.

Goodness Gracious America, is it that crucial?

• IRAN 1946 
• YUGOSLAVIA 1946 
• URUGUAY 1947 
• GREECE 1947-49 
• GERMANY 1948
• CHINA 1948-49 
• PHILIPPINES 1948-54 
• PUERTO RICO 1950 
• KOREA 1951-?  (they still have bases there)
• IRAN 1953 
• VIETNAM 1954 
• GUATEMALA 1954 
• EGYPT 1956 
• LEBANON l958
• IRAQ 1958
• CHINA l958 
• PANAMA 1958 
• VIETNAM l960-75 (one million killed in longest U.S. war)
• CUBA l961 (CIA-directed exile invasion fails)
• GERMANY l961 
• LAOS 1962 
• CUBA l962 
• IRAQ 1963 
• PANAMA l964 
• INDONESIA l965 
• DOMINICAN REPUBLIC 1965-66 
• GUATEMALA l966-67 
• CAMBODIA l969-75 (Up to 2 million killed in bombing, starvation, and political chaos)
• OMAN l970
• LAOS l971-73 
• CHILE 1973 
• CAMBODIA l975 
• ANGOLA l976-92 
• IRAN l980 
• LIBYA l981 
• EL SALVADOR l981-92 
• NICARAGUA l981-90
• LEBANON l982-84 
• GRENADA l983-84
• HONDURAS l983-89 
• IRAN l984 
• LIBYA 1985
• BOLIVIA 1986
• IRAN l987-88 
• LIBYA 1989 
• PHILIPPINES 1989 
• PANAMA 1989 (2000+ killed.)
• LIBERIA 1990 
• SAUDI ARABIA 1990-91 
• IRAQ 1990-91 
• KUWAIT 1991 
• IRAQ 1991-2003
• SOMALIA 1992-94 
• YUGOSLAVIA 1992-94
• BOSNIA 1993
• HAITI 1994 
• LIBERIA 1997 
• ALBANIA 1997 
• SUDAN 1998 
• AFGHANISTAN 1998 
• IRAQ 1998 
• YUGOSLAVIA 1999 
• YEMEN 2000 
• MACEDONIA 2001 
• AFGHANISTAN 2001-? 
• YEMEN 2002 
• PHILIPPINES 2002-? 
• COLOMBIA 2003-? 
• IRAQ 2003-? 
• LIBERIA 2003
• HAITI 2004-05
• PAKISTAN 2005-? 
• SOMALIA 2006-? 
• SYRIA 2008 
• YEMEN 2009-?
• YOUR COUNTRY- 2011-?

(List compiled by Dr. Grossman)

Heroic Villians

The whole idea of the hero is one that has seemed to preoccupy Western culture, by forming the basis for much of the literature, movies, philosophy, and other popular-culture mediums that compose it. Our extreme willingness to decorate soldiers and firefighters, play cops and robbers, obsessively consume old Western cowboy films, along with ancient mythology, and immortalize comic-book super-heroes all point to our eagerness to assign “hero” and “villain” roles. But if you think about it, as one often comes to conclude, we must take a more discretional approach when examining who is a hero, and on the other hand, who is a villain. In fact, the issue is far more complex than just a categorization of individuals or groups under either of these titles and most of the time, things are not always so black and white.  It's way more complicated than that folks. What about dual-identity? Because of popular culture, it's hard to fathom a hero that possesses immoral views and beliefs. We hear hero, and automatically think perfect...but how realistic is that? 

If it aint got that swing

Jazz, a word that has come to signify that American musical art form which originated at the begining of the twentieth century, is said to have originated in southern states from the forced marriage (through slavery) of a West African musical sensiblity using Western (European) theory and song structure.

One of the main qualities that differentiate jazz from its European counterpart is the huge empahsis on "swinging." We've all heard the singable line "It don't mean a thing if it aint got that swing, doo wop doo wop!!!!....." In these things are signs......One must reflect on what "swinging" is about and what Duke Ellington was saying. Now in a limited sense he's talkin bout straight up "gettin' light" (to use a term from one of my friends which refers to dancing) but in the broader, more scientific sense we are learning something more about motion and progress. It doesn't matter, it isn't relevant, literally it isn't ALIVE if it isn't in motion, vibrating, and downright swinging! In physics "motion" is defined as a constant change in the location of the body through applied force. So Jazz's urge, calling and inherent requirement to "swing" is meant as a type of motivation as well as being an initial act in creating a new reality in the lives of people, who had been politically and socially oppressed and shackled, which ended up transcending the African in America to profoundly touch the lives of humanity.

CHECK THIS OUT BELOW, THIS IS AMAZING. It took place in 1943, crazy poder about how I wasn't even thought of in the grand scheme of things yet, hell, not even my parents. 

I aint got no shoes. Well HE aint got no feet!

This morning on twitter, someone tweeted an old quote which led to me asking a lot more questions and pondering on some other things. But here is the quote:

Deep right? I know! However, essentially all this quote made me ask myself is, should I be happy now, cause I still don't have any shoes??? What if it snows? Rains? Or the temperature drops below 32 degrees? When my feet freeze and no longer circulate blood, then I'll become just like the man with no feet.  And I know theres a reader thinking, 'dang he totally missed the point' .... And you're wrong, I definitely get it. DUHHHH! The quote is telling me to be grateful for what I do have because there are those who have far less than I do. And this is true but does that mean I'm not allowed to be upset about my own misfortune?

I apply this quote to my own life right now: I am carless and struggling to get to school on the daily. I'm paying my own rent, bills, etc and trying to still have money left over to enjoy my youth, I work at a job that makes me work far more than I should for the minimal hourly wage they give to me. School has simply stopped being fun for me and has become much more of a burden. These temporary highs I find in partying, hanging with friends and enjoying the occasional cocktail are not enough. And from the quote I gather that I should be grateful that I have a job, an apartment, a university to attend, clothes on my back, parties to attend, friends to hang with and the means to enjoy the occasional cocktail; but am I not allowed to be sad about the shortcomings of my life? The things I find could be better. Am I not allowed to want better? Should I feel guilty for having a moment where I am not appreciative of all that I have? Are a few moments of self pity such a bad thing? Am I ungrateful? Should I just shut up and appreciate the fact that I have "feet"? 

Responsibility

Responsibility. It doesn't even flow off of the tongue, it's almost as if you have to force yourself to say it. I feel as if, I've never even heard the 'word' used in a positive connotation. It always has this heavy underlying tone; it's like every time you come in contact with the word 'responsibility', you are seconds away from meeting your maker. No really though, I think 'responsibility' might be the most serious word in the English language. Ever since I've entered college, I've learned that there's no more important idea, than responsibility. The idea of responsibility simply means, handling your business. Do what you gotta do, to do what you want to do...It's the circle of life. And honestly, there are times when I absolutely HATE responsibility, it's comparable to sitting through a 'Golden Girls' TV marathon. UNBEARABLE.

More-Heart-Less

First off, let me say that I'm not the type of person to be sentimental. As I get older and older, and the more I see, the less I'm able to display compassion, sentiment, and vulnerability. I mean, I guess you can say life has taken its toll. Not in a bad way of course, I love my life, which is something I don't even say enough. Its just that life is full of heartaches, pain, sadness, hurts, and yes, happiness. I guess you can say I've built up a tolerance to life. I've made a wall around myself so that I'm untouched and when the bad things happen, I chalk it up to life.

"That's life."; "It is what it is."; These are the few phrases I use when life throws an unexpected dagger in my direction. It's almost as if saying these little phrases somehow protects me from whatever it is that is "attempting" to hurt me. At the beginning of the year, I decided not to make any resolutions, simply because we begin making promises and resolutions, most of which we know we can't keep. I decided this year I wouldn't make any. This year I ultimately just want to be a better Gabe. A better me. Very generic...I know, but bare with me.

As I said initially I have a tendency to brush things off as if I am unaffected when I truly am. This year I've been trying to change that. If something bothers me, I've been speaking on it. If life throws an enormous obstacle in my path, I've been trying to face it head on. If I like someone, I don't want to be afraid to explore my feelings. If someone hurts me I want to let them know. The list goes on, on how emotionally unconnected I have been to my life, especially in the beginning of 2010. Towards the end of 2010 I began to realize how much I was really affected. How holding everything in, acting as if I'm not bothered, was POW type torture.

This year I've just been a more honest me, a stronger me, a fearless me, a more focused me, a warmer me and hopefully it won't change my relationships with the people in my life in a negative way. But like they say, the people who mind, don't matter and the people who matter, don't mind.

Anyways, I'm done swallowing my pride and showcasing my soft side. I hope this blog post isn't all over the place, it's just that I'm scatter-brained right now. Anywho, peace and hair grease!

Motherhood and Business Goods

Today, I had a conversation with one of my cousins, and we were discussing her future dreams of being in the business world, in relation to her desire to be a mother. My grandmother has always told us, “No one will give you a kidney, except your family. Not your friends, not Michael Jordan, not anyone!” That has stuck and will stick with us for the rest of our life. And despite all of  my cousin’s endeavors that she wanted to pursue and achieve, she told me that nothing would mean more than being able to balance motherhood and her career. I got the thinking and I realized the fact that society rarely portrays a compassionate mother, who is level headed and successful, much less an African American woman in a powerful position…unless you mean Oprah    -___-


Plus Oprah doesn’t count anyways since she isn’t a mother! I like Oprah but I'm sorry, she just gets so much undeserved credit! Maybe I'm hating? But that's just my opinion. 


Anyways...back to the conversation with my cousin; she told me that family is an extremely important factor in her life and that she believed that family was her foundation as a person. She was saying that she often thinks about how she wants to be in the profession of business and how long rigorous nights will cause her to not be able to see her children often. Yet, when I think of Jean Afterman, Michelle Obama, and Jada Pinkett Smith, who are extremely talented women who portray themselves in a positive light by balancing their career and family, it gives me hope for her. She told me that she knows that it will not be an easy road, but she’s confident that she will one day be able to include her name on the list of women, who are able to effectively balance their life.

Be you & BE TRUE

Do people even dream anymore? I hate to sound like your 78 year old optimistic driven grandmother but it's such a necessary question that needs to be addressed! I've always been a proponent of travelling down the path that is destined for one, rather than one discussing how the journey will be. I feel that it’s all about finding and accepting your own reality and then in return allowing yourself to live a transparent and authentic life. Why not showcase your growth and productivity to the world? Why not live and learn? Why would you want to live off of a script that someone else wrote for you? 


Write your own script! Be you and BE TRUE! See I have this crazy idea, that if people were to make the transition from speaking about their visions and dreams, to living it out and serving as an inspiration for others, this world would be full of creativity and ingenuity. Matter fact, if I recall, the great Howard Gardner also understood this important concept. He believed that scripts, formulas, and stereotypes often keep people from being the most creatively productive individuals they can be. He knew that we have to feed our own scripts, stereotypes, and formulas...NOT LET SOMEONE ELSE FEED US. and that is all. 

Top 10 Stress Relievers

Seeing that I have two midterms tomorrow, stressed out, is an understatement. I thought I'd come up with a list of ways to relax my nerves during times of stress. 

1. Couple Hours of Black Ops (There's a nerd, in all of us)
2. Play some pickup Basketball 
3. My Herbie Hancock Jazz Pandora Station (Nothing like, classic 80's jazz)
4. Snooze Naps (Sleep for an hour, and then push the snooze a few times)
5. Strawberry Blast from Smoothie King (AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!)
6. 10 Minute Talk with my grandma (never seen her frown, no really....I really haven't seen her frown)
7. Hey Arnold Episodes 
8. Katt Williams, Kevin Hart, Bill Cosby, Chris Rock, Dave Chapelle, etc. Standup
9. Pray (seeing that my dad is a pastor, I do have a spiritual side)
10. Female Interaction...

Get your wishes UP

I wish for a lot. I'm a dreamer, so it’s only natural for me to always crave more. Some of these wants and desires are a little off center, but then again, so am I so it all works out in the end.

I wish that grabbing a bag of chips out the vending machine wasn't so agonizing.
My hand is always getting stuck in the snatches of life just trying to collect my Funyons. Metaphorically speaking, I guess that is just to deter us as a society from eating so much junk food huh?

I wish life didn't begin and end with currency, because I hate working. Scratch that, I hate the actual act of performing task. Work is pleasing when it's a job well done and all that motivational, attitude mumbo jumbo, but I really hate working for a dollar. I'd rather work to liberate myself, and others, and work to transcend this way of life we all have grown so accustom to living.

I wish my work ethic matched up with my potential. I’m always told; oh you have so much potential be great, yada, yada. This might be true, but I always seem to succumb to the easy way out. I’m working on this though. Bare with me.
 
I wish I could find a swagged out-steezed out woman to trust. I’m a leave that topic alone though, we’d hate to start an unnecessary argument. I Wish Bernie Mac could still tell a joke, man REST IN PEACE BERNIE. And I wish Isaac Hayes could still sing "Walk On By" live. It's emotionally thrilling.

   

Among other wishes, I’ll stop here. These are just the first few things that came to mind. But I’m now left to ask, What do you wish for?

Joaquin Phoenix: The Most Intriguing Man

So over the weekend, I kicked it with a few friends and we just watched a bunch of documentaries, and I had the opportunity to watch Joaquin Phoenix and his brother in-law Casey Affleck’s “film.” Now…I’m not sure how many of you have heard of this movie but, its filmed by Casey Affleck like a documentary about Joaquin Phoenix leaving the acting profession and instead….starting his rap career. Sounds normal enough right?

HAHA you are dead WRONG.

Joaquin is overweight…a hopeless drug addict…self indulgent…grimey…a talentless rapper…desperate…user of prostitutes…and just straight up grimey. The Joaquin Phoenix we knew and loved from Walk the Line with Reese Witherspoon, no longer exists.
So after the film…feeling very disturbed and very skeptical because this stuff was almost TOO ridiculous to be true, I watched the special features like I always do.
Turns out…it was aritifical. NORMAL Joaquin, Johnny Cash actor Joaquin returns to Letterman and tells him it was all a hoax…it was a social experiment to assess consumer’s relationship with media and perception. …is that a joke?
This man gained roughly 30 pounds of weight, had sex with a prostitut, pretty much RUINED his career forever, embarrassed himself in front of crowds of people with his rappin, got in a fist figh, and did drugs on screen, for the whole world to see……ALL for a social experiment? I’m all for pushing the bounds of artistic expression, but I’m sorry that’s just absurd folks.

I honestly believe Joaquin and Casey's claims, that they had the entire thing planned out. But 1. what message is that still getting across and 2. and at what cost did Joaquin prove what most people already know, that the media is generally lying to some degree, normalyl a high one, at that.
He is seemingly shedding light on ridiculous Hollywood behavior that does indeed happen, and saying that even if its not real, you can act crudely, and wont REALLY get in trouble, and then you can say it was all fake and show how jaded and messed up the media and the people of the nation can be.

It also shows how obsessed this culture is with criticizing and analyzing other people. It was almost disgusting how easily other actors, people on youtube, people with blogs, (not me though, don't get that twisted) and everyone else with a tv had a comment to make about the debacle that was Joaquin Phoenix’s rapping career. I get the fact that hollywood and entertainment is built around people making up in their heads the lives, these people lead and are allowed to judge them because thats part of the job, but honestly, when does that go to far?
It’s goes too far when people start forgetting Joaquin, just like you, and me,  are flawed and do stupid…really stupid things sometimes. It goes too far when an actor makes a “mockumentary” and an acting job 100 percent becomes his reality, whether he’s ready to admit that or not. Regardless of how entertainment culture is set up in this nation…the line between reality and a mere character are often blurred and that my friends…is when all goes wrong.