More-Heart-Less

First off, let me say that I'm not the type of person to be sentimental. As I get older and older, and the more I see, the less I'm able to display compassion, sentiment, and vulnerability. I mean, I guess you can say life has taken its toll. Not in a bad way of course, I love my life, which is something I don't even say enough. Its just that life is full of heartaches, pain, sadness, hurts, and yes, happiness. I guess you can say I've built up a tolerance to life. I've made a wall around myself so that I'm untouched and when the bad things happen, I chalk it up to life.

"That's life."; "It is what it is."; These are the few phrases I use when life throws an unexpected dagger in my direction. It's almost as if saying these little phrases somehow protects me from whatever it is that is "attempting" to hurt me. At the beginning of the year, I decided not to make any resolutions, simply because we begin making promises and resolutions, most of which we know we can't keep. I decided this year I wouldn't make any. This year I ultimately just want to be a better Gabe. A better me. Very generic...I know, but bare with me.

As I said initially I have a tendency to brush things off as if I am unaffected when I truly am. This year I've been trying to change that. If something bothers me, I've been speaking on it. If life throws an enormous obstacle in my path, I've been trying to face it head on. If I like someone, I don't want to be afraid to explore my feelings. If someone hurts me I want to let them know. The list goes on, on how emotionally unconnected I have been to my life, especially in the beginning of 2010. Towards the end of 2010 I began to realize how much I was really affected. How holding everything in, acting as if I'm not bothered, was POW type torture.

This year I've just been a more honest me, a stronger me, a fearless me, a more focused me, a warmer me and hopefully it won't change my relationships with the people in my life in a negative way. But like they say, the people who mind, don't matter and the people who matter, don't mind.

Anyways, I'm done swallowing my pride and showcasing my soft side. I hope this blog post isn't all over the place, it's just that I'm scatter-brained right now. Anywho, peace and hair grease!